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  • Writer's pictureOlga Shchedrinskaya

Parenting as a "coctail"

Updated: Aug 12, 2020

According to the Attachment Theory, for children to feel good, they have to receive a combination of signals of “acceptance” from their parents and the feeling that their adults are strong, resilient, and can be “leaders”.

A cocktail metaphor would suit us to better imagine this: all parents "mix" a cocktail of these two ingredients. And it usually happens that it is easier for some parents to give a lot of the first component – love, unconditional acceptance, and support, but it is difficult to set rules and boundaries, say "no" and at some points be able to remain consistent and even firm.

And there are parents who find it easier to give the latter – a clear system, rules, structure, an understandable hierarchical system but is much more difficult to “love the way it is”.

You can think and evaluate yourself – which category am I closer to? What is more natural and organic for me? Are there any reasons why I can avoid one of the components (for example – personal experience from childhood). Does this have any disadvantages or limitations?

Further, already having this answer, one can think: is it necessary to mix this “cocktail” differently so that there is a different proportion? How will this affect our contact with the child? What combination of "boundaries" and "acceptance" would be optimal now? How might this look when carried out?

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